Kid Rock’s first campaign speech for Senate looks like an awful movie.

It was Sam Harris who so accurately said on Twitter: “Reality has finally revealed itself to be a bad movie.”


After rumors surfaced of Kid Rock running for U.S. Senate, many of you didn’t listen. Well, nobody is laughing now. With the launch of and a tweet from Kid Rock himself claiming the website to be real, the rock star he gave a sample of his “campaign speech” for fans at his concert, and it’s pretty… pretty… pretty awful…

The podium appeared before an audience at Kid Rock’s concert in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where he immediately delved into the issue of single mothers, stating quite clearly he would

“Put their goddamned asses to work and lock up all these women, who can’t even take care of themselves, and keep having kid after fucking kid.”

He then refuted the idea of single payer healthcare, the system used in every other industrialized country, saying

“I don’t believe you should save, sacrifice, do things by the book and have to take care of some deadbeat motherfucker.”

And immediately, with the sound of dramatic guitar strums for effect, condemned movements such as Black Lives Matter and the KKK, telling the crowd he was “not PC” and that these movements have to “stay the fuck away.”

According to Freep, questions have been raised as to whether Kid Rock, who still has not filed the appropriate paperwork to run, is in violation of the U.S. election laws for holding the speech. But the self-professed “Pimp of the Nation” didn’t stop there, giving comment that

“Kid Rock for Senate has got folks in disarray. Wait till they hear Kid Rock for president of the U.S.A.. ’Cause wouldn’t it be a sight to see, President Kid Rock in Washington, D.C.. Standing on the Oval Office like a G. Holding my dick ready to address the whole country. I’ll look the nation dead in the eyes, live on TV, and simply tell them, you never met a motherfucker quite like me.”

And it was then, politics in America became the greatest joke the devil ever pulled.

Bailey T. Steen is a journalist, editor, artist and film critic based in Victoria, Australia. To support this content, and more to come like it, the options include Patreon and Paypal, where I hope to keep this content free.

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troubled writer, depressed slug, bisexual simp, neoliberal socialist, trotskyist-bidenist, “corn-pop was a good dude, actually,” bio in pronouns: (any/all)